Caring for Others: Upper Room Groups

Pastoring a church can be a tough job. Consider the following:

Focus on the Family reports that in its surveys of pastors, 80% of pastors and 84% of their spouses are discouraged or dealing with depression, and they estimate approximately 1,500 pastors leave their congregations each month.¹
The Southern Baptist Convention reports in a 1999 survey that the 3 most common reasons for pastor firings were control issues regarding who will run the church, poor people skills of the pastor, and pastoral leadership style perceived as too strong.²
According to Christianity Today, “Almost 45% of ousted pastors think they could have done something to avoid being forced out. Resolving conflict was the primary action they wished they had taken sooner.”³

Where can pastors find help in dealing with issues like these and others that affect their ministry? Certainly, prayer and scripture are the first places to go. But after that, who understands a pastor better than one of his peers, and who can offer encouragement, wisdom, and godly counsel better than another pastor? Our pastors professional development program, which we call our Upper Room Groups, creates a safe, confidential, and caring environment where a pastor can think out loud and discuss issues important to him without fear of negative consequences.

In this membership by invitation only group, a pastor grows and develops as he interacts with fellow pastors in similar ministries. Directed by a trained and skilled facilitator who keeps everyone on task, pastors bring ministry issues, personal concerns, or decisions they are facing to a group of caring colleagues to benefit from their experience, godly wisdom, and support.

No one comes with an ax to grind and hidden agendas are left at home. Honesty, confidentiality, and a commitment to professional and personal growth are the values that drive the group. Just as the disciples learned from Jesus in their Upper Room, so are these Upper Room Groups designed for pastors to hear from the Lord through other people.

Limited to 8 pastors per group from similar size churches, we run separate groups for both senior pastors and associate pastors or ministry directors. These half-day meetings are held monthly, nine times a year.

“One of the biggest things I hear from pastors and church leaders is that many of you have very few trusted people in whom you can confide, bounce ideas off of, or 'talk shop' with.”

Todd A. Rhoades, ChurchStaffing.com

Distinctives of Upper Room Groups

Unlike more informal groups that come and go, Upper Room Groups are led by an experienced facilitator whose role is to chair the group and to draw members out in order to share their experiences and wisdom. Members minister to each other, and the value derived by each member comes from one’s peers in the group. The chair’s role is to guide that process.

Relying on a proven discussion model used successfully for many years, an Upper Room Group is a forum where each member can discuss ministry and personal issues in a caring, supportive, and confidential environment. It is also a place where important decisions can be worked through with the input of an unbiased group of advisors who have faced similar decisions in their ministries.

The group chair keeps everyone on task, holding members accountable to listen well, to offer their input, and to follow through on the actions they say they will take between meetings. An Upper Room Group is more structured than an informal group and is designed to be a place where a pastor is challenged to grow. There is also a much greater degree of accountability than one finds in most informal get-togethers.

Another distinctive and benefit to belonging to an Upper Room Group is that each member also meets with the chair in an individual one-on-one session sometime prior to the monthly group meetings. Here the pastor can discuss issues before (or instead of) bringing them to the group. Concerns or ministry opportunities can be explored in greater depth during these times, as the chair serves as a sounding board and caring listener.

Benefits of Belonging to an Upper Room Group

Encouraged and energized pastors minister better to their congregations
Better decisions. Members ask each other insightful questions and challenge assumptions to improve decision-making
Reduced sense of professional isolation. It is not as lonely at the top with a group of trusted peers who have been through similar circumstances
A confidential forum to discuss important ministry matters without fear of adverse consequences
Godly counsel and wisdom from an impartial board of advisors
Personal and professional growth in learning how one’s peers deal successfully with the challenges of ministry
Cross fertilization of ideas to stimulates one’s thinking
Support in times of difficulty, shared joy in times of success

Meeting Format

Meetings are held monthly, except for July, August, and December. Members take turns hosting meetings at their church, lasting from about 8:30am to noon
Each member comes to the meeting with one or more issues, or upcoming decisions, to be discussed with the group
Through a structured discussion process that gets everyone involved, the chair guides the group in getting to the heart of each issue or decision in a way that draws upon the collective godly wisdom and experience of each of the members
Based on the group’s perspective of the issue or decision that was discussed, each meeting concludes with one or more members receiving something to act upon before the next meeting

Different Groups for Different Pastors

Different pastoral roles raise different issues; therefore we have separate groups for senior pastors and separate groups for associate pastors or full-time ministry directors. Each group will have no more than one pastor from a particular church. Women in these roles are as equally welcomed as men.

Membership by Invitation Only

Personal chemistry within a group is vital for long-term professional growth and development, and so admission of new members to a group is by consensus of the current members. Not everyone is a fit for a particular group, but we do the best we can to match prospective members declined by one group with another Upper Room Group.

Group Values

Confidentiality
Commitment to professional and personal growth
Listening is valued more highly than talking
Honesty
Willingness to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of one’s experiences for the purpose of benefiting others
We encourage and pull for one another, we want each other to succeed, and we encourage each pastor to be all that God created them to be
We don’t try to impress each other - egos are left at home
Doctrinal and denominational discussions are off-limits for the purposes of the group

What Others Are Saying About Upper Room Groups

An Upper Room Group pastor describing our first meeting

“I really liked our first Upper Room meeting. It was run so well because I think you took the time to prepare us for it. I didn't know many of the guys in the group very well before the meeting, yet now I feel I could trust them all. This is unusual after just one meeting.

I feel I can trust these men more after just one meeting than I could with many of the pastors in our denomination. There was a lot a variety in the meeting and the time seemed to pass quickly. I liked how you structured the meeting and the fact we spent most of the morning on just one issue of ONE of the pastors, rather than trying to move through an agenda. It communicated to me that one pastor, and what he is going through, is very important. And it made me feel that when my turn comes, I will be very important to the group as well.”

Pastor of a suburban Milwaukee Church

A senior pastor on the waiting list for an Upper Room Group

“I pray God will provide all your needs as you pursue a very worthy ministry pathway. Please keep me on your farm team for the next group you form--and count me as one who is in the stands cheering for you as you run the race God has set before you.”

Pastor James Appleby
Brown Deer Baptist Church,
Brown Deer, WI

One pastor’s e-mail after a regularly scheduled one-on-one session between Upper Room Group meetings

“Thanks for the time together this morning...it was so energizing and helpful for me!”

Pastor Mike Frans
Westbrook Church
Hartland, WI

To Become a Member of an Upper Room Group

If you would like to join an Upper Room Group, or if you would like to refer someone for membership, please call John Certalic at 262.641-9600 ext. 3200 or email John .

We also have Upper Room Groups for Missionaries.

Click here for more information.

Notes: ¹Dr. James Dobson, “The Titanic. The Church. What They Have in Common,” Dr. James Dobson’s Newsletter, August 1998, http://www.family.org/docstudy/newsletters/a0002430.cfm
²Charles Willis, “Forced Terminations of Pastors, Staff Leveling Off,” LifeWay News, August 2001, http://www.lifeway.com/about_pr0801l.asp
³John C. LaRue, Jr., “Forced Exits: How to Avoid One,” Your Church, Jan/Feb 1997, http://www.christianitytoday.com/cbg/features/report/7y1088.html